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Please help me...I dont want to kill myself because of this...

Sun, 20 Feb 2005 06:27:04 GMT

I dont know what to do.
I was with a guy last week, Josh. We were fooling around abit, you know, cuddling
and kissing and stuff. He started to undress me....I told him no so many
times...I was crying and screaming, he put a pillow over my face....I dont know
why I'm writing this all down...I hate reliving it...but....he went the whole way..
He hit my head....and I blacked out...and when I woke up....he was gone.
I feel like shit. I was saving myself for the one. I was taken for granted.
I really have no clue as to what to do. All I know is I'm not telling mom.
Help??

Tue, 18 Jan 2005 04:04:57 GMT

The computer hasnt been working lately - so that is why I have not been on much.

Mum has been alright lately. Apart from the fact that we fight everyday nearlly, she has been pretty nice.

That is all to say at this current point. I will go and check all your journals now =)

Sun, 12 Dec 2004 20:25:26 GMT

Ah fuck.

Sat, 06 Nov 2004 07:53:23 GMT

Does anyone have a spare room in their house?
I feel that I have no where.
Please.
I need to get out.

Sun, 26 Sep 2004 06:47:01 GMT

isolation

havent seen the sky in weeks.

Sun, 19 Sep 2004 07:20:25 GMT

dead. Gone. My best friend. Alyssa, you werent meant to fucking die. I'm sorry I didnt stop u from actually commiting suicide.
I fuckin hate people.
I miss you.
I miss everyone.

Mon, 30 Aug 2004 00:11:22 GMT

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Describe me in one word.
7. What was your first impression?
8. Do you still think that way about me now?
9. What reminds you of me?
10. If you could give me anything what would it be?
11. How well do you know me?
12. When's the last time you saw me?
13. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
14. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal?

Thu, 26 Aug 2004 07:26:01 GMT

Now I feel alone.
Hurt and used, but most important; I feel alone.
Heres a list of what I've done, and felt since my last update:
- cried
- smiled
- laughed
- went to the mall
- baught stuff
- Saw Joel Madden and Hilary Duff near my great grandfathers house of whom I only just met, and I still dont know where it is, i should ask mom...
- sad
- no cutting, NONE AT ALL
- missed everyone
Thats about it.
Does anyone actually read this?
Probly not.....:(

Tue, 17 Aug 2004 08:54:01 GMT

I hate feeling like I do.....Like I feel depressed, but then again, I sometimes feel I'm not....I dont think I am......Or am I saying this to be cool???
Does anyone else sometimes feel like this?
Why are depressed people cool at my school?
Why are people dying their hair black and saying "I am goth"??? When really these people go home and listen to Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson, when 'real goths' listen to heavy metal ect?
I just dont get people anymore.
Anyways... I would like to send hugs out to peoples, so my excuse to hug you is.....I missed your birthday!!!!!!!
So.....
To my firstest ever friend on Livejournal kali_in_cali *hugz and kisses*
To the bestest double_life *hugs and pat on back*
For my sexy wexy beast celler_door12 *huggles*
To my bubbsies let_me_die_now_ *Cuddles*
For my lovey *hot* deamonhostess *BIG HUGGLES*
Just for my hot nunziothenebula *BIG CUDDLES*

Tue, 17 Aug 2004 08:30:43 GMT

These are just some fun convos I had with my friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
___________________________________________________________________
DisiIIuzioned: four couldnt get pussy if it slapped him in the face
Prox44: His dick is so small that the laws of physics invert.
_______________________________________________________________________
Devilish Trunks: Alicia, me and Cliff named my nipples. We got mad bored last night.
_______________________________________________________________________
Pass me a Bong: Quit jackin off
Iegendary draqon: o_O
Iegendary draqon: I finished like 10 minutes ago.
Iegendary draqon: Dummy.
Iegendary draqon: Duuuuuuur @!
Iegendary draqon: !
Iegendary draqon: Start using your head.
Iegendary draqon: And get off mine.
Iegendary draqon: ^_^
Pass me a Bong: o.o;
Pass me a Bong: XD
Pass me a Bong: Well I just wanted one suck
Pass me a Bong: Thought you wouldn't mind
Iegendary draqon: I dont! *Rapes Licia's head*
Pass me a bong: .......*screams???*
Iegendary draqon: Your ment to enjoy it fag hag!!

Sun, 08 Aug 2004 07:26:57 GMT

You touched me.
It felt like we were together again.
Don't trick me!
Don't play me!
Your a fucking bastard and I hope you die!
Wait, I'm a worse person than you. I hope I die.
I deserve it.
I'm a bitch. I'm a dirty slut. I didnt cheat, but now I wish I did. I wish I hadnt said anything.
I am so pissed off, but remembering the old times, I love you. I left messages saying I love you.
You said you loved me back. "*hugs* I love you"
You were my best friend.
Then you left me. You left me behind. You changed.
You grew distant. I changed. I grew distant from the world.
YOU changed me. YOU made me depressed. How I hate to say this, but it was YOU all along. YOU did wrong. Not me.
Dont believe people.
People should die. I dont trust people. I am the one to trust. Trust ME. I'm sorry I told him. He wasnt a threat. He wouldnt do anything. I made sure he wouldn't. If he told everyone I would KILL him..............

Then myself............

All for you.

Wed, 04 Aug 2004 07:29:33 GMT

Hey guys, I've been heaps busy lately:
running away from stupid sister
Doing crappy school work *screams*
Man school sucks.
The one thing I need right now is my ex!
Why did I dump him!!!!!
*cries* I love him so much and, it just really sucks!
I'm also in this huge fight with my pal Sarah, cause she told everyone that I cut myself when I didnt!
I'm not going denine ever doing it, but I havent done it in ages, and I just dont think I can trust her again. I dont trust anyone.
MAKE ME TRUST YOU!
Then I wont feel like people are being stupid and annoying and just CRAP!
But you guys are different, I dunno why.....but you are....

Tue, 03 Aug 2004 01:14:06 GMT

Once again I am bored as all hell.
I told mom about the guitar guy.
And it all worked out well cause I
ended up getting a new teacher and he is sooooo much
better!
His name is John and he lives across the road from me!
My sister is still being a bitch, and stuff, but now I
just sit at my computer and search stuff and download lots of stuff.
I want to say thankyou to all the people that commented
and helped me make my decision about telling mom.
I <3 you!

Sat, 31 Jul 2004 07:21:09 GMT

*cries*
I hate being here.
My sister is a stupid cow.
Hourmones my ass.
I had guitar lessons today and it was scary!
They guy was full hitting on me and I was so worried cause hes married and stuff!!
I wanted to tell mom, but then she wouldnt let me have guitar lessons any more, so I decided not to.

Should I tell her??

Fri, 30 Jul 2004 07:54:00 GMT

I have so many thoughts running in my mind right now. I just got back from seeing an old friend and I cried the whole time I was walking home. I missed her so much and I miss all the old times. She's changed so much, it's like I don't even know her anymore. We have nothing in common now. I feel like I lost a sister...It's sad....I know people change but I wish that she didn't. Too many things are wrong with her now...

Thu, 29 Jul 2004 06:50:54 GMT

I feel really sick,
because I havent been eating.
I look at food and I shudder.
Even when I think of food I shudder.
I don't want to be fat. I get teased enough already.
Am I killing myself for no reason?
Why am I starving myself??

Mon, 26 Jul 2004 23:29:54 GMT

Being bored is so, incredibly, well, boring.

I'll wait till I have lots of friends, then I'll update properly.......

See ya's